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Agree to Disagree?

May 31, 2007

by JP 

Throughout this week’s topic, there have been some strong opinions about being single in the church and about keeping the law of chastity.  Please know that I am not trying to take away or make light of any of you that have expressed your opinion.  I am here to only share my (twisted) opinion of all of this and my experiences…for what it’s worth.

If my memory serves me, you’re considered single once you turn 18.  So if my memory (and my math) is correct, I was technically single in the church for about a year and a half before I had my daughter and then got married.  But seeing as though I was pregnant during that time, 8 of those months don’t really count.

For all intents and purposes, I never experienced life as a single in the church.  I should walk away from the computer now.

And yet, I can hear a few of you…“Oh, she was one of those girls.”  And yes, I suppose I am/was.  I was the Molly Mormon that messed up.  Sure, I grew up in the church… and I was just an all around good girl.  I knew all the rules.  (Although, I just learned in this week’s comments that hand holding isn’t encouraged.)  But you know what?  Sometimes, things happen.  People make mistakes.

When I think about how I got married at 19, I am blown away by how young that is.  I’ve addressed this before, but it is astonishing the number of girls that get married at such a young age.  I’m not judging anyone for their choices (please, I was 19, getting married WITH a child) but I look back at my life and I see just how…young I was.

A family friend is 26 and single, active in the church.  She is beautiful, intelligent and just gosh darn wonderful.  Yet, she has felt, at times, that there must be something wrong with her because she’s not married yet.  Why in the world are these girls wondering what is “wrong” with them?  What IS wrong with being single in the church?  Why all the pressure to get married so young? 

To prevents mistakes like mine?

I know, I know…all the blessings and such from having an eternal companion.  I understand.  (At least some of it.)  I guess it just brings up a touchy subject that some of us won’t see eye to eye on.  But I suppose that’s why I believe in the things that I do…and why you believe as you do.

We are at an impasse.  And that will just have to do.

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One comment

  1. Speaking as the product of at 19 year old single mom, I think it’s great that you stepped up and tried to do what you thought was best for your child – I am sure your kid feels the same way.

    As for:
    “Yet, she has felt, at times, that there must be something wrong with her because she’s not married yet. Why in the world are these girls wondering what is “wrong” with them? What IS wrong with being single in the church?”

    There is NOTHING wrong with being single in the church. Though I will admit there are times I wonder what is wrong with me? Why am I not married yet? I think that is pretty normal, whenever we want something (job, spouse, children etc.) that we haven’t been able to get to wonder “what is wrong with me?”

    The problem I have is when other people take it upon themselves to start wondering it for me – “What is wrong with HER?” “Why isn’t SHE married yet?” That is what I take issue with.

    At least you recognize you were barely a single in the church – I wish other people would do the same. I can’t stand it when leaders think that because they we single at BYU for 5 months after their missions in 1962, they ‘know what its like to single in the church’ and put themselves out as experts and authorities on the subject as they step in and reorganize activities and singles groups that the singles where doing just fine self managing and organizing themselves. Don’t even get me started on the whole idea of chaperoning singles activities…



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