Grey Matter

June 28, 2007

By Melbo

At first glance the topic for this week seemed very intimidating, until I realized what it meant to me. Breaking it down the simplest way I know how, Divine vs. Self Generated Inspiration breaks down to the difference between what I tell myself and what the Lord tells me. In my case, that could be the difference between being wrong a lot and pretty much, okay, always right.

I’m the kind of person who will always choose the one apple out of fifty that is rotten inside. If I come to a fork in the road, I’ll end up taking the dead end. If I take a guess on whom the next bishop will be, I will be dead wrong, guaranteed. I feel I have good instincts when it comes to other people (caring for their needs, for example) and in things I’ve studied or familiar situations (i.e. massage, cooking or changing diapers), but throw me into the jungle and I’m screwed. For this reason I try to think through my decisions very carefully, and I don’t take any large risks without a substantive amount of effort and consultation. I weigh out the pros and cons, I seek advice, I make lists, I lose sleep, and finally… I pray.

It’s only after I’ve done everything I can that I ask the Lord to finally tell me what to do. Granted, in some situations all I can stand is two seconds of thinking before feeling lost and completely overwhelmed. At that point I’m beyond all reasonable thinking. Sometimes all I have to do is chill (a difficult task in itself) and that’s when I receive my inspiration- I see something new or in a new way, and I get my “money ideas”. Some may say this is when I can finally process my own thoughts and come up with a solution, but I say it’s a grey area. I think these brief moments of calm could be the best time for me to be receptive to the Spirit. Or on the other hand, maybe God is snatching at what he sees as one of his few opportunities to communicate with me in the midst of all my commotion. Either way, we’ve created a system that works.


One comment

  1. I feel the same about my decisions, like you can always count on me to choose the longest line even after all my retail reasonings. This leads me to think of another topic: Faith vs. Murphy’s Law.

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