Can the Devil write an honest autobiography?

June 30, 2007

by Josh Kim

Because I don’t think I can. It’s one of the reasons why I hardly write in my own journal. The main reason why I’ve currently strayed from Orthodoxy is pressure from a well-meaning bishop to serve a mission. I ignored “divine inspiration” and “inspiration” from others to serve a mission. Why? Because I didn’t want to. Do I have to justify myself to those who think I should serve a mission? Nope. But for some reason I always feel the need to.

Okay, I just deleted a long tirade against the Church because I realized that it’s not what this post is about. I think that the average church-going person cannot know the difference between the divine inspiration and self-inspired revelation. I personally doubt that there is a heavenly father of us all. I think that some people need religion in their lives in order to make them feel good but I’ve never felt that good about my religion. I’ve always believed more in friends than I believed in God. I never understood why the scriptures tell me that God rewarded those who left their friends and family for “his sake.” It always seemed like the ultimate treachery to me, abandoning your friends, even if it is for God. 1) How do I even know that it’s really God telling me to do, whatever. 2) I think I owe allegiance to the rest of my fellow mortal beings before I do any of God’s bidding. I admit, it’s pretty blasphemous of me to say that. And if God is reading this, I know he’s probably calling hell to reserve a special suite just for me.

Okay, here’s the end of my post: inspiration is not as reliable as we want it to be. Follow your own instincts and the advice of people who know you better than you know yourself. I think that’s what God would want you to do, anyway.

One comment

  1. I have felt similar about inspiration – is it from God, my own make, my own fears, my own desires? I am looking back on my life and see what is what when it came to certain times of “inspiration.” I think when I have followed my intuition, even when I didn’t want to, things turned out really good, even when it led me down a path of a heterodox worldview. If you feel like going on a mission – then go. But if you don’t feel it – then don’t go. I wouldn’t make it any more complicated then that.

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