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Grateful for STD’s

November 21, 2007

by BiV

I have to say that it is a strange and awesome twist of fate that would put both Loyd and myself on this blog together and then start us with the topic of: “what are the good things you get from being Mormon.” You will surely get a chuckle out of that if you remember Loyd from his days as “The Narrator” and me as “Bored in Vernal.” It hasn’t been my blogstyle to “count my many blessings.” In fact, I’ve been racking my brains all week as to what I could possibly come up with. Not that it’s so hard to think about good Mormon things. It’s just that my jaded mind keeps thinking, “things I GET from being Mormon? Like, picking up STD’s or something?”

So, it is in that vein that I present to you several “Spiritually Transmitted Desirables” that I have almost unwittingly picked up as a result of being a member of this Church.

1. An Ability to Wait for Answers.

Face it, people can’t wait for anything these days. Have you seen what happens to folks in the McDonald’s line if they are forced to wait longer than 5 minutes for their Happy Meal? Modern-day churches are hard pressed to teach their members the process of becoming. We want to be saved on the spot. When I first joined the Church I thought I had found a Church that had all the answers, but I soon discovered the many questions occasioned by the interface of spirituality and the natural man. Mormonism taught me to seek the answers to ambiguities with my finite mind, to suspend my disbelief pending revelation to my questions, and to wait for the hand of the Lord to be revealed. Thankfully, it has happened just enough for me to learn to explore and inquire and wait for answers; and not to turn away in disgust when I am not immediately satisfied.

2. True Unity.

I don’t think I would have learned this one without being a member of the Church. It’s too easy in today’s world if you don’t get along with someone to find a new roommate, join a congregation or Book Club that better suits your needs, or to get a quickie divorce when the marriage is not working.

But since I was LDS, I didn’t get a transfer from that horrible companion, and I had to learn to get along for another month. I had to attend the Ward within the boundaries of which I lived, and rub shoulders with people with whom I had nothing in common for many years. I was forced to work with that YW President whose views drastically conflicted with my own. And I had to work out time and all eternity with a man I married in the Temple after dating for three months!

3. A Lot of Random Skills.

I daresay it is a spiritually transmitted desirable to have many skills that I never thought I wanted or needed picked up by virtue of being LDS. For example, I now know how to conduct a hymn that changes time signature in the middle. I can put on a dinner party by myself for up to 200 people. I know how to tie a bowline with one hand.

4. A Sense of Duty.

Last but not least, I picked up the STD of Duty from the Mormons. It is engrained in me so deeply that even though I wondered who in the heck chose such a lame topic for this week’s VSOM posts, and had no idea how I could possibly become optimistic enough to answer it, I did my Duty and completed the assignment. Oh yes, and by writing this post I’ve learned much more myself than I could possibly transmit to my readers. 🙂

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3 comments

  1. Nice post, BiV! As you can see, the rest of us haven’t succeeded so far!

    Welcome, btw!


  2. Ha! What a delicious irony.
    Then again, it’s not vacation week in Saudi Arabia.


  3. I agree wholeheartedly with #1. I don’t want answers given to me, and usually when they are given to me, I quickly realize that they are wrong 😉 Rather than supplying the answers, Mormonism should be a means for self-discovery of private answers. In his First Vision, Joseph did not want the answers given to him from religion, but it was his religious faith that led him to find his answers himself.

    Unfortunately though, this is not the case for most people, and since Mormons are people, it is not the case for most Mormons. Our culture wants our answers served to us with fries and a soft drink. And in the process we become obese on empty predicates and too weak to endure the existential crises that may await us.



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